Parenting can at times be a challenging experience. Just like parenting any child, parenting a child with a 22q-related condition can be confusing, exhausting, and at times overwhelming. You might wonder, “Why is my child melting down over something so small? Why do they ask the same question over and over? Are they just being difficult?” The truth is, many of these behaviours are not deliberate. They are signals. Clues. Attempts to communicate something deeper.
In this blog, we explore the emotional and behavioural development of children with 22q and how these behaviours often stem from unmet needs or emotional dysregulation, not from defiance or disobedience.
What’s Really Going On in the Brain?
Children with 22q often experience differences in the way their brains process emotions. Brain regions like the prefrontal cortex (responsible for reasoning and self-regulation) and the amygdala (which alerts us to threats) may function differently. This can make it harder for children to manage big feelings, switch between activities, or respond flexibly to change.
What does this mean for day-to-day life?
- Your child might become overwhelmed by loud noises, bright lights, or sudden transitions.
- They might find it difficult to express their feelings, leading to frustration or shutdowns.
- Emotional reactions might seem “big” compared to the situation, but those emotions feel very real and intense for your child.
Behaviour Is the Tip of the Iceberg
Think of behaviour as the visible part of an iceberg. Underneath are the emotions, thoughts, and unmet needs that drive those behaviours.
- A meltdown might not be about the wrong-coloured cup. It could be the final straw after a day of sensory overload.
- Avoidance of a task might not be laziness. It could be fear of failure, especially if your child has struggled with learning differences.
- Repetitive questions might seem annoying, but they often reflect anxiety and a need for reassurance in a world that feels unpredictable.
From Reaction to Curiosity
It’s natural to feel frustrated when behaviours escalate. However, one of the most powerful things we can do as parents is shift from reacting to noticing.
Start by observing your child as a detective might:
- When do challenging behaviours occur?
- What just happened before the behaviour?
- What patterns are emerging?
This curiosity allows us to respond with empathy, not punishment. It helps us identify the root cause instead of simply managing the symptoms.
Supporting Emotional Development at Home
So what can you do to support your child’s emotional development?
1. Co-regulate first.
Children with 22q often rely on their parents’ emotional cues. If you stay calm, it helps their nervous system settle. Try using grounding tools like:
- The Big Sigh technique (a long, audible exhale to release tension)
- A calm tone and soft body language
- Staying close without crowding
2. Create predictability.
Children feel safer when they know what to expect. Use visual schedules, clear routines, and consistent expectations. Reduce surprises whenever possible.
3. Model emotional language.
Help your child build emotional vocabulary:
“I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m taking a break.”
“You look upset. I wonder if that change was hard for you.”
4. Validate, even when it’s hard.
You don’t have to agree to validate. Saying, “It makes sense you’re upset,” tells your child their feelings are real and safe to express.
Reframing the Behaviour
When we see behaviour as communication, everything shifts.
We stop asking, “How do I fix this?” and start asking, “What is my child trying to tell me?”
We begin to support, not punish. We begin to connect, not control.
Most importantly, we begin to help our children feel seen, heard, and safe, laying the foundation for lifelong emotional well-being.
To learn more, register for our live or on-demand webinar “Behaviour: What is my child trying to show me?” or join us for the next offering of the Feelings in Focus program.
